A salute to the Officers and SNCOs ...

AUSMED CAPERS

Author unknown

COL Roche fearlessly leads by example,
But on the dance floor turns into a shambles.

The OPSO is always in the Mess with out fail,
Each time he gets the boss’ name wrong, his coffin gets another nail.

MAJ Wheatley paces the corridor with watchful eye,
Tonight he’s after a game of chess, everybody hide.

SQNLDR Smart is quickly learning,
A life in the Army is what she’s been yearning.

OC Rifle has the tongue of kindness and caresses,
Will never learn to dance though if he keeps wearing dresses.

CAPT Kearney the stud, he’s huge and he’s tough,
But gets frustrated that the dumbbells aren’t big enough.

FLTLT Yeo, a caring facade she has made,
Though every day prays for it to rain on her sick parade.

CAPT Vaughan-Evans, when hearing a child call "biskwi" in anticipation,
Makes the infantry nervous because they know she’s gone into action.

LT Denning at work stays chained to her desk,
Everybody knows she believes that bondage is best!

LT Kirwan, if you ask him, he’ll give you the drill
The physio department is where you go if you want a thrill.

Flight Matthey the RAAFie, thinks the 5K run is for fun,
But says "I’m saving myself for the marathon".

CAPT Innes, the war dog that God has sent to us all
Dreams of swarming Zulus and a thousand rounds on call.

LT Hamming with his Blues music epitomises maturity
But careful with those Penthouses, you know he’s over 40!

CAPT Crompvoets, they seek him both here and there,
In fact those telephone repair boys seek him everywhere.

MAJ Brandy up the sharp end, she can really do it all,
What a shame she hasn’t learned how to take a fall.

LT Harding, her drinking prowess hasn’t been apparent so far,
But then if she wore high heels we’d see her over the top of the bar.

WO2 Scott, one of the RSM’s "watchdogs", and that is that,
Though no one ever thought of him as a pussy cat.

FLTLT Dohnalek has found Rwanda to be very stressful,
The next person who asks for a dental appointment will sure get a mouthful!

CAPT Cottis is having fun causing pain and woe and strife,
If another female NGO accosts him, he’ll be in trouble with his wife.

CAPT Baker is still trying to kick his computer habit,
Take away his famous poo jar cocktail and laptop, and he’ll likely turn rabid.

CAPT Stevens the admin guru, man management is his forte
Place him in a ward full of kids and he screams "Cut away, cut away"

CAPT Hanckel on the dance floor, likes to get down and boogie,
But Mess rugby is her passion - the boys and her and footy.

FLGOFF Taylor is tolerant, flexible and never condescending,
But if you’re holding up a shout, you arm could get a bending.

LT Ball, a quiet achiever, has more talents than you would think,
To get to the top of the bar for service, she’ll take a flying leap.

CAPT Brimson has moved into the hospital, a definite sign of power
The real reason she has done so is to get a daily shower.

LT Ashley is proving he’s got talent and charisma to discard,
But trying to adapt to changes in drill, he finds that a little hard.

LT Delbridge, his numerous erogenous zones keep him working like a dog,
He’s likely to faint from sheer excitement in a crowded Uni mog.

FLTLT Scott, softly spoken, gentle, quiet as the night,
But if her cigars don’t clear Customs, she can be an ugly sight.

CAPT Busch is demure, graceful, and honest, but I’m here to tell,
If you jump on her toes, she’s the psycho bitch from hell!

FLTLT Green, works all day and at night dances with zest,
It’s a shame all her dancing partners end up with a concave chest.

LT Saltnes, quiet and reserved she goes about her business
But get her blood riled, the result will come down to fitness.

FLTLT Pyne swivels and wiggles throughout her shift
March behind her on parade, well it really is a gift.

FLTLT White, Max the dishwasher thinks she’s real cute
But nearly had a full on fit when he saw her in her flying suit.

FLGOFF Hardy, she’s a mystery, her perfume entices, makes you weak
But don’t give in to batting eye lids unless it’s the Frat Squad you seek.

LT Evans steals the show with his intensity and devotion
We sometimes think it’s an illness caused by too much radiation.

CAPT McLeod the UN vet, he helps out the "choppers"
But wouldn’t try a Rwandan breakfast of roasted grasshoppers.

And finally there’s LT Lucas, he of the swivelling hips
Just as well he’s not Navy - loose hips sink ships!